Ah, Halloween. I must admit, for all of the controversy over the holiday and its origins, I have very fond memories of dressing up and going door-to-door, trick-or-treating and coming home with a whole pillow case full of candy. One day a year when we can dress up and pretend…or is it? Is it one day? Or, are we pretending every day?

One of the toughest things about living in community is that we feel some compelling need to put on a different “face” for different people. Sometimes it is a fear of not being accepted, a fear of being wrong or on the outside. Other times it is a fear of conforming or being a “sheep” like everyone else or being “one of THEM”. In either circumstance, we do not do what we believe to be right, but what believe is “the right answer”.

In formal experiments (like the ASCH experiment), people often change their answers to match the group. Even with things that are quite obvious (like which line on the right best matches the reference line on the left – see the image below). Seems silly, but about 75% of the subjects gave the wrong answer to at least one question, when the group around them (filled with “plants” instructed to give the wrong answer) influenced their decision. (Click here to learn more about the experiment.)

When I was in high school I would notice that certain people around me would act very differently around different groups. When they were with their “school friends” they would act one way and when they were around their “church friends” they would act another. It seemed so inconsistent to say “Dude, I got in a car wreck and I am lucky to be alive” at school and to say “Bless the Lord, God really protected me in my car wreck” at church. Well, which is it? Did you get lucky or did God protect you?

It was during this time that I made a conscious decision to be consistent no matter what. Nothing noble here, I just thought that it would be too complicated to try to keep track of what I had said or done. I was not sophisticated enough to keep from slipping up and doing or saying the wrong thing with the wrong group. In fact, I could think of nothing worse than an event in which my friends from Group A and from Group B would be interacting with one another, and then I would have to choose which “ME” they would see.

Being genuine is tough. There is a lot of pressure to conform to societal norms, and to agree with the most popular answer at the time (or with certain people). Don’t! Don’t conform. Know what you believe and (more importantly) why you believe it. Always be willing to change your view if someone can present evidence that you are wrong, but until then STAND FIRM! There is only one you. And your mission in this life is non-negotiable. Don’t give it up because others around you are uncomfortable with your unique beliefs or your audacious goals. Real change in this world is initiated by outliers with unique beliefs and audacious goals. BE YOU!!