Posts Tagged ‘Emotional’

Preparing for the journey

Sunday, June 6th, 2010
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

Next week I am leaving for Tanzania. I will be gone for more than 2 weeks and a portion of the journey is to climb mount Kilimanjaro; the highest point on the continent of Africa. The journey actually began five years earlier when I was traveling through northern India with some colleagues from Compassion. As we stood in Darjeeling, India looking over the border into Nepal at Mt. Everest at sunrise, we began to dream of challenges in the future which could have impact on the world in which we live. Born out of this early time of discussion and dreaming was eventually “Blood, Sweat and Compassion” (http://www.bloodsweatandcompassion.org)

As I prepare for this once-in-a-lifetime trek, I am thinking about the journey of life and our preparations as we approach new transitions that we have never experienced. Here are a few things I have had in mind as I prepare:

1. Make the right preparations
I have spent several weeks (months actually) getting my gear together, training, thinking and dreaming about this event. What I realize as I prepare for Kilimanjaro is that I actually really enjoy the anticipation that comes from getting ready to go. The best definition I have ever heard of for HOPE is “Happy anticipation”. Funny how energizing this anticipation can be for a trek you have been looking forward to and dreaming about for years yet how stressful most of the rest of my “future looking” can be when I stress about all of the things that are outside of my control. If I could just change my perception about the future from “this is going to be hard” or “this is not going to go very well” to “what a grand adventure this will be” or “think of how I will be different after this portion of my life journey” my life would be more about happy anticipation than dread.

2. Look to those who have been where you are going
As we started pulling together our gear and getting mentally prepared, we have no idea of what to expect on a mountain trek in Africa. Granted, I have done a lot of hiking in California and quite a bit of back packing in Colorado, but THIS WAS AFRICA! Who knew what we should expect? So, we logged on to Amazon and ordered a trekking guide for Kilimanjaro. To get the insights from someone with first hand experience of where we are going will be invaluable. We prep and pack differently based on the advice of someone who has been where we are going.

3. Expect the unexpected
No matter what you read, or how well prepared you think you are…this will not go as you expect. You have to remember that. And, whether it is the people you meet, or the weather you encounter or the fact that you eat something that does not agree with you. Your experience will be unique to everyone else’s…even those on the same journey as you. In fact, your experience will be as unique as you are. Expect the unexpected, and approach it with wonder and excitement. One of the greatest blessings in life is exploration. If everything was foreknown and every outcome was foretold there would be no mystery and no discovery.

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Encouragement. You Remember

Sunday, May 30th, 2010
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

Last week I was with Compassion’s IT leadership at an offsite meeting at a local conference center. We had a lot to discuss and a lot of future planning to do. This was a beautiful and peaceful setting and one that was quite conducive to the task that lay ahead. There was a young man who was working with their facilities staff, we will call him “Tom”. We met Tom at lunch on our first day. He came over to our table and began to ask if we were with Compassion International. Tom was a little hard to understand, and it was clear that he had special needs.

Once Tom confirmed that we were with Compassion, he began to ask if we remembered him.

Tom: “You remember, you were there.”
Us: “Sorry Tom, I don’t remember.”
Tom: “Yes you do, you remember?”
Us: “No, sorry…I don’t remember.”
Tom: “Yes you do, it was on the stage. You were there. You remember.”

I must admit, it was tempting after about 5 minutes to simply tell Tom that we remembered, just to move off of the topic, but that was not true and although we did not really understand, we still respected Tom and wanted to understand where he was coming from. After 15 minutes or so, the back story became clear.

It turns out that when Tom was a teenager (he is in his 20′s now) he had an opportunity to work at Compassion International as a part of our facilities staff. I imagine it was helping out with building maintenance, fixing things, cleaning things, etc. and basically putting Tom’s skills and abilities to good use. The defining moment of the work that Tom had done was in a recognition ceremony in which Tom was recognized on the stage in front of a large audience and given an award for his contribution (the “award”, it turns out, was a coffee mug). Yet, something as simple as a “Thank you” and a coffee mug is an event that this young man will never, ever forget. And he believes that you will never forget either.

Every one of us craves this type of recognition. It can be big or small, but we all need it. Take some time to today to recognize and encourage someone around you for what they have done, no matter how small. They need it much more than you know (and more than they realize).

Don’t let off the Throttle

Sunday, May 9th, 2010
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

Have you ever been jet skiing? I must admit that it is one of my favorite things to do, even though I don’t get the opportunity to do it that often.

One thing you learn early on when using a jet ski is that if you are not holding down the throttle, then you have zero control over the direction of the jet ski. A Jet ski is totally dependent on the jet of water coming out the back to change direction. There are no fins, no rudder, nothing to help you control the vehicle other than the direction you are pointing the jet of water that comes out the back. At first, this seems almost counter intuitive, especially if you are going faster than you want (or heading toward a dock or another boat). Your first inclination is to let off the throttle and try to turn…which of course, does nothing! To make matters worse, a jet ski has no brake. There is no way to stop. In fact, you continue to move in the direction of your forward movement until friction slows you down…which can take a while on water.

In life, there are times when we need to slow down. Need to pause and gather our thoughts. But we must remember that without forward movement you cannot change direction. So, if it is time for a change, your best bet is to get moving. In fact, sitting still and wrenching on the steering wheel of life does nothing. Therefore, starting some forward momentum is required before you can begin to change direction.

What are you waiting for? Get moving and start the change!

Green Activity

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

LONDON – Just five minutes of exercise a day in the great outdoors can improve mental health, according to a study released on Saturday, and policymakers should encourage more people to spend time in parks and gardens.

Researchers from the University of Essex found that as little as five minutes of a “green activity” such as walking, gardening, cycling or farming can boost mood and self esteem.

“We believe that there would be a large potential benefit to individuals, society and to the costs of the health service if all groups of people were to self-medicate more with green exercise,” Barton said in a statement about the study, which was published in the journal Environmental Science & Technology.

They found that the greatest health changes occurred in the young and the mentally ill, although people of all ages and social groups benefited. The largest positive effect on self-esteem came from a five-minute dose of “green exercise.”

Click HERE to read the entire article

Master Your Emotions

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

Melissa Pheterson has some great insights on how to Master Your Emotions. Click HERE for the full article.

#1: Feed Your Brain

  • Look for low-calorie foods with lots of “crunch,” suggests Dr. Madelyn Fernstrom, director of the UPMC Weight Management Center. It’s like a vigorous workout for your teeth — a sweet release that helps deflect the binge of “stress-eating.” We suggest carrots, celery and apples, rather than tortilla chips or the eponymous “Crunch” bar.
  • Don’t use food to “self-medicate”; while it can bring comfort, remember that it’s mainly a source of fuel. Brush your teeth, take a walk, and think it through, says Fernstrom. An extra slice of cake won’t solve anything.
  • Avoid excessive stimulants like caffeine or guarana.
  • Nutrients like folate, vitamins B6 and B12 play a role in proper brain function, and might stave off depression. Find them in calcium-fortified OJ, kidney beans, acorn squash and bananas.

#2: Breathe Right

“Everyone needs a lesson in breathing,” says Mark Liponis, M.D., author of UltraLongevity: The Seven Step Program for a Younger, Healthier You. The immune system responds instantly to any change in breathing because it signals a threat. Shallow, rapid gasps — the “hyperventilating” stress response — sends the immune system into overdrive.

How to pass Breathing 101:

  • Slow it down — allow your diaphragm to fully contract.
  • Feel the breath through your entire lungs.
  • Remember to breathe out — many people don’t! Exhale the air completely.

#3: Know Thyself

Everyone’s got a different way of letting off steam. “Discover which relaxation methods work for you, and tuck them in your toolbox,” says psychiatrist, columnist and best-selling author Gail Saltz, M.D. “For some, it’s deep breathing; others thrive on exercise.” And for others, it might be a heart-to-heart followed by a steaming-hot bath.

Still wound-up? Try these:

  • Go steady: Studies suggest that rhythmic exercise is healthiest for the immune system. “Rhythms are built into the body’s mechanism, and moving to a rhythmic beat is therapeutic,” says Liponis. Think swimming, rowing, tango, or walking to your iPod playlist.
  • Get pinned: The National Institute of Health endorses acupuncture — the ancient Eastern practice of inserting thin needles at specific points in the body — for improved sleep, reduced levels of pain and a greater sense of well-being. And you thought needles were for spinsters…

#4: Step out of the “Same Old Story”
Do you déjà vu? Many women find themselves unwittingly and maddeningly repeating behavior that stymies their growth, development and fulfillment — at the office, in relationships, around their family. Do you find yourself caught in the same trap, over and over? Try the three R’s:

  • Review
  • Reality-Check
  • Re-evaluate

“The most important thing really is self-knowledge — recognizing patterns and understanding what lies beneath,” says Saltz. “We’re often living an old story of something that happened long ago.” To break the repetition, step out of the story to review it from an outsider’s perspective. Give yourself a reality-check to find the root of the problem. And remember, the best vantage point can often be found on the therapist’s couch, where you can get help re-evaluating the situation.

#5: Get Your Vitamin “L”

That’s Liponis’ tag for love and laughter as antidotes to fear, anger and despair — “emotions that signal the body is threatened, in danger,” he says. “The solution is to cultivate a deep emotional connection.” That doesn’t just mean romance. Adopt a pet, call your parents, throw yourself into your garden. Or discover a new activity that might sweep you into a new circle of friends.

Among new friends or old, reach out to others. Support them in their own personal endeavors, and project a can-do attitude; the good vibes will come full-circle to reward you, too. If you feel responsible to show up for your weekly exercise-walking group, you’re more likely to commit.

Looking Past the Obstacles

Saturday, September 5th, 2009
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

I went for a great mountain bike ride today in the mountains of Colorado. It was a beautiful summer day, with just enough fall in the air to remind you that it was September. I went with a couple of good friends who were much better riders than I am. In fact, I was reminded of how much I had forgotten in terms of technique for riding through soft sand and tricky trails. It was also a helpful reminder that I should never neglect my cardio workouts no matter how much I am currently enjoying my weight training…I was sucking wind!

After an hour, or so, of riding we ended up getting to a really nice downhill. Now, I gotta tell you, I LOVE downhill. Not just because I paid for it with all of the work of my uphill pedaling, but because it really is the thrill of the ride. Speed, exhilaration, fun…life doesn’t get much better. Of course it is important to remember that the trails that we were on are a little rough. I mean, it is not like we were riding on paved road. These were pretty tricky with exposed roots, medium and large sized rocks and ruts left from heavy summer rains. This meant being good at working with/around the encumbrances in my path. In a couple of sections I was getting pretty caught up on things, and a couple of times even went down. Let’s face it, unless someone gets hurt it is not a REAL sport. It took me more than one downhill section to remember the old sports saying “your body will go where your eyes are looking.” Once I remembered this, I started looking further up the trail and past the rocks and roots and I did much better. It is not that I was avoiding all of the obstacles, I still had to deal with them, but somehow not focusing on them directly and looking further ahead to where I was going allowed me to get through them with much greater ease.

You know, that same rule applies to the rest of our lives. It seems that if we focus too intently on the obstacles in our lives we will run right into them; guaranteed. Being able to look out ahead and not become transfixed by our problems helps us to put them into perspective. You don’t ignore them. You can’t. But we should give them their appropriate place. To fixate on them simply gives them more power and somehow “draws” us in like a black hole of trouble.

The Soundtrack of your Life

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

Epic stories deserve an epic soundtrack. The music sets the tone, creates a certain atmosphere and helps us to align our emotion with the vision and dialog taking place on the screen. Whether it is the opening scene from Top Gun, the sinking of the ship in Titanic or the sweeping soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. In fact, some characters in movies even have their own theme songs. When Darth Vader steps onto the scene in Star Wars, the music is strong, forboding and powerful with a touch of fear and darkness thrown in for just the right mix to describe (in musical phrases) everything you ever need to know about his past, his present and his future.

During the 2008 olympics in Beijing, Michael Phelps would consistently step out on the competitive stage with his earphones on in order to help put himself in the right frame of mind. Much speculation was given to the sound track for Phelps’ life. Reportedly it consisted primarily of Hip-Hop with a little techno thrown in for good measure. Apparently artists like Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Eminem and Outkast help you to swim a lot faster (click here to see the whole story).

Somehow, I think we disconnect our stories from the heroes that we see on the big or little screen. It makes sense that an Olympic athlete would need some inspiration to win a gold medal or that a Hobbit who is on a mission to save all of Middle Earth would naturally have a background soundtrack that was sweeping and epic. But what about your story? Your story is no less epic. Your mission in life is as non-negotiable. And the consequences of failing at your life mission are much higher than having to settle for a silver medal instead of a gold.

What is the soundtrack that accompanies your story? How are you using the power of music to help inspire, transcend, calm or move you?

I have created a number of playlists on my iPod to act as a backdrop for the various moods or events in my life.

Here is my “Mood: Happy” Play List:
Beautiful Day – U2
Celebration: Cool & the Gang
Frantik – World Wide Message Tribe
Have a Nice Day – Bon Jovi
Hole Hearted – Extreme
Jump – Van Halen
There She Goes Again – The LA’s
Life is a Highway – Tom Cochrane
Sexbomb – Tom Jones (Peppermint Disco Mix)
SOS – Rihanna
Turkish Delight – David Crowder Band
Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves
What I Like About You – The Romantics
What is Love – Milk and Sugar (Radio Edit)
Whenever, Wherever – Shakira
Working in the Cole Mine – Devo

Pretty eclectic stuff, eh? Surprised? Don’t be. Every one of those songs either shifts my mood and makes me feel like smiling, or it reminds of the time in my life when this song was on the radio and life seemed happy, carefree, spontaneous and lighter. The cool thing is, whether it makes me feel good in the moment or reminds me of a time when I felt happy, the result is that I end up feeling happy RIGHT NOW!

Why not create a set of playlists for some of your most common circumstances:

- Mood: Happy
- Mood: Relax
- Mood: Pump me up!
- Event: Working out
- Event: Stepping on stage
[more?]

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Time to Decompress

Sunday, April 19th, 2009
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

A friend of mine went on vacation a couple of weeks ago and commented that he was almost instantly able to relax and enjoy his time away. I must admit a tinge of jealousy at the news. It often takes me much longer to get lost in the enjoyment of my entertainment. And even then, it is sometimes accompanied by a feeling of guilt for not doing something more “productive”. It started me wondering about the importance of how much time it takes to someone to become fully unstressed. The idea reminded me of deep sea divers and the complex process of decompression when they have been on a deep dive for an extended period of time.

According the Merck Medical Online Library, The risk of developing decompression sickness increases with increasing pressure and with the length of time spent in a pressurized environment.

Read the entire ARTICLE

What are you actively doing to prevent the onset of decompression sickness in your busy life?

Sadly, some people don’t ever disconnect from their stress. At 1010 Living we understand how to use stress to increase our mental, emotional, physical, relational and spiritual capacity. But remaining in a high stress environment without relief for an extended period of time can lead to some very undesirable results. If you are not intentional about actively using recovery and stress in combination with one another, then you are destined to become a victim of your own circumstances. Examples of victims are all around us in the form of people who, on vacation, stay in touch with colleagues via their Blackberry and are frequently taking “urgent” calls; parents who sometimes become so engrossed in their children’s lives that they forget to take time out and recover; and sick family members that can often take round the clock care and leave no margin for rest or rejuvenation.

Be careful how deeply emerged you become engrossed in your stressful situations. Be conscious of how long you are in stress without disengaging. Taking frequent breaks from the stress (even if it is just a quick walk around the block to clear your head) can help keep you from succumbing to the increasing pressure and can reduce the length of time you spend in a pressurized environment. As a simple gauge, you should determine how long it takes you to feel a sense of relaxation when you engage in your favorite activities.

What helps you to decompress? What are your 10 minute decompressions? What are your 10 hour decompressions? How about your 10 day ones? Being Fully Alive involves understanding yourself well enough to know what fills your tank and how to use those things as part of an integrated lifestyle. And, more importantly, have you been missing out on those key activities in your day/week/month? Whatever you do, don’t neglect that important part of counter balancing your stress.

Have you been “down” for an extended period of time? Are you to deep? Have you been under pressure without taking the time to rest or recover?

Savor your decompression time. Know that it can make you more effective when you are in the crucible of pressure…failing to strategically decompress can kill you.

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I’ll Take the B-

Thursday, March 12th, 2009
by Jim Finwick | No Comments »

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to emcee an informal comedy night at a local coffee shop. It was a good sized crowd, and the atmosphere at the coffee shop was great. I speak a lot in public, but getting up in front of a group and being funny, when you are expected to be funny, is very intimidating. There was nothing riding on the event. After all, this was not a job interview or a critical speech to change the life of thousands…it was just 3 minutes worth of comedy in a local coffee shop. However, you don’t feel any less nervous or anxious about stepping in front of a group of people and putting yourself on the line. To be sure, I am not interested in going on the road and doing stand-up comedy. But, I really want to be an effective public speaker and know that the ability to mix comedy dynamically into your message can make it much more meaningful to your audience.

It has been said that most people would rather die that get up in front a group of people and speak (I think this conclusion is drawn from several surveys which have concluded that people are more afraid of speaking in public than they are of dying!). Complicate that further by adding that you are expected to be funny, and now you have a recipe for terror, not just fear. However, stepping out in this way, overcoming your fears and pushing beyond the edge of your normal capacity are the key to growth. If you spend all of your time within your current capacity (in anything in life), you will never flex these muscles and, consequently, never really grow.

When the night was over I asked my comedy coach (Jedd Hafer) for his assessment of my performance. After all, for most of my time on the stage the crowd was quiet and respectful. Heck, quiet and respectful is great for church, but it sucks for comedy. Truth be told, you are hoping that someone in the audience passes out for lack of air because they are laughing so hard they can’t take a breath. Jedd’s response “I give it a B-”.

A B minus!! What are you kidding me? I was horrible, not funny, totally picked the wrong material for this group (The Thursday night Bible Study crowd didn’t really get my gay mafia jokes) didn’t hear much, if any, laughter…and my list went on and on. But Jedd clearly saw what I could not. It was not as bad as I thought from the stage. The acoustics in the coffee shop meant that you could not hear the crowd well from the stage and the crowd was a little quiet for all of the comics, not just me. Hey, just stepping up onto a stage to do comedy takes guts…I’ll take the B-.

So, what is it for you? What area do you really want to grow in, but are intimidated (or are outright terrified) of flexing that muscle? Find a way, any way, to push past your comfort zone and make the effort. Find an opportunity to take a baby step, do it in a small way. Anything that pushes you beyond your comfortable limits. It will not be easy, it never is, but you will grow and you will ultimately be glad you took the step.

Can’t bring yourself to bridge the gap? Get a friend (or coach) to help push you into places you would never be brave enough to go. When I started this process Jedd forced me to do comedy in a local, small, dive bar with just a handful of people. His reasoning: “if you can get up in front of 8 drunk people and bomb at comedy, you won’t be afraid of any public speaking experience.”…Thanks Jedd!

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